I was six years old when I approached a jump from a diving tower for the first time in my life. The tower was located at the local sports complex in my hometown; the 25 meters long pool was a training ground for those picked to be on the swim team. At this point all the kids on the team, including myself, were able to swim independently and nobody was scared of the deep end anymore.
On this particular day, after a warm up and a couple of laps, our rather ruthless swim coach ordered everyone to line up next to the tower and climb up to the top of it one after another. I took a safe spot in the middle of the line and climbed up the ladder like a proper duckling. Once I reached the platform, I saw this cold-hearted woman standing near the edge of it, grabbing each kid, who obediently moved forward and came close enough to her, and then throwing it down. I looked down – at this point I was 24 feet high and my legs suddenly felt like rubber. There were still about five more kids in front of me waiting to be tossed into the abyss by this monstrous humanoid called a swim coach. I gradually backed out and smoothly climbed down the ladder with an excuse that my stomach is acting up and I absolutely have to use a toilet immediately. I ran to the locker room and patiently waited long enough until the whole execution was over.
To my surprise I did jump off this tower that same week. I was curious, as all kids are, and I saw all my friends without any damage and actually showing signs of pride and accomplishment. They felt so good about themselves they wanted to go back up and do it again! And so I climbed up the ladder, stood at the edge of the platform, looked down, felt all the frightening sensations in my body then closed my eyes and jumped, with a little help of my coach who pushed me off the edge. I felt the thrill and the pride and the (so much desired) feeling of accomplishment.
I learned a new thing about myself, I learned that I can, I can be brave, I can get over my fear, I can do things that don’t seem easy at first.
I still have a fear of heights, my nervous system overreacts when looking down from a high point, but overcoming this tingling in my body, taking a step beyond the edge and landing in a body of water has been one of my favorite thrills ever since.
We all know what fear feels like; we all have different triggers and relationships with it, we experience it with different intensity and cope with it in many different ways. Fear reaction, known as fight-or-flight response is a life preserving mechanism and it was crucial in keeping our ancestors alive. Simply speaking the reaction consists of two parts; the biochemical and the emotional. Understanding the mechanism of fear will better prepare you for your child’s reaction and thus will make it possible to eliminate stress and replace it with fun much quicker.
The biochemical process is exactly the same for everyone and it starts in the region of brain called the amygdala. This almond-shaped section of nervous tissue is dedicated to detecting anything that stands out to us and setting off alarm bells the very same moment. Like the most committed watchdog it will raise hell at the sight, sound, smell, taste or touch of anything that’s unfamiliar or familiar and associated with a negative experience. The alarmed body will instantaneously prepare to be more efficient in danger, breathing will accelerate to supply extra oxygen to the brain and muscles, the brain will become hyper-alert
and the heart rate and blood pressure will rise.
You’ll experience stress and you’ll either try to get out of the situation or try to fight it with a raised tone of your voice and nervous, accelerated body movements. Your child will cry and try to run away. Whether it’s a first swim lesson, a first doctor’s visit or a first day of school, there will be stress and there might be some tears too. There will be a resistance.
Interestingly enough, we have all come to this world fearless. Infants have no awareness of danger other than a hardwired reflex of bawling at sudden loud noises and clinging if they sense they’re falling. It is at the age of 6 or 7 months that babies can actually start showing signs of feeling afraid. It comes as a result of memory development and is facilitated by our loyal guardian – the amygdala. As they begin to remember and quickly recognize familiar faces, anyone they see who isn’t mom or dad is potentially a stranger to be feared. The infant starts noticing and memorizing the emotional messages carried by its environment. Those emotional messages are contributed by no one else, but all the surrounding people. The more intense your emotions are at the moment, the stronger imprint they leave on the infant brain.
From my personal experience I can assure you that your child’s accidental fall into the pool in front of your eyes will end with one of the two scenarios. Most likely you will fear for your child’s life and fish it out quickly with your heart pounding, blood rushing, very likely raising your voice. This very intense emotional reaction will be recorded in your child’s brain and replayed every time it’ll come near the edge of a pool. As much as it might save your child’s life for as long as it cannot swim, it will also require a lot of time and repetitions to be replaced with a positive emotional association. And it is only in a relaxed, positive state of mind that we can swim safely. Fear will paralyze muscles, restrain breathing and thus cause drowning in a short time.
Here we can picture the second scenario, much less likely to happen yet still possible. Your child falls in the pool in front of your eyes, you reach and pull it out of the water within a few seconds, you pat it on its back to help release any water that might have gotten in and reassure it that everything is fine without any signs of emotional disturbance on your part. The shock of a fall will still be memorized by the young brain but a very strong negative emotional association will be prevented thus allowing positive conditioning in the future. As a result, your child will be able to jump in the pool with a smile on its face after just a few swim lessons.
As we are all born different, our bodies are equipped with different nervous systems and everyone will react to the same stimuli with a different intensity. Some of us have nerves made of steel while for others they are made out of beautiful, yet delicate silk. For some the fear response and the resulting anxiety will be so persistent it will take a multiple number of repeated exposures to turn unfamiliar and scary into familiar and fun. This process in psychology is known as acclimation.
Acclimation is possible thanks to the previously mentioned, second building block of any fear reaction; the emotional response. The emotional response is highly individual, it involves a part of the brain called the hippocampus as well as the frontal cortex of the brain. These parts of nervous tissue are able to perceive and process a bigger picture and decide whether the initial alarm raised by amygdala should be sustained or not. Whether it is your amygdala or your frontal cortex that calls the shots in your life, it will set out the level of your well-being. It will define whether you’re flooded with stress hormones day after day or skillfully surfing the waves of life with a peace of mind.
This is the crucial skill your child is developing in the process of learning how to swim - basically, it is training the “thinking” brain to reassure the “emotional” areas that he or she is, in fact, OK.
This training equips us with the power of choice, whether we chose to run or fight, or we chose to stay and breathe, whether we raise our voice and force our will or we relax and succeed with ease, grace and flow.
In water, as much as often in life, we will get further ahead only if we are able to calm down.
It takes a decision to overcome fear or stress, this seemingly small decision has a huge power to completely change our actions. We can act on fear and stress or we can use our thinking brain, override the alarm and defeat our limitations.
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